Sleep Deprived for 3 weeks

More than you'll ever know, I'm totally sleep deprived. I've probably slept a total of less than 72 hours in the last 3 weeks. I read through my older entries this morning, tearing as I went through them, especially the entries of 11 November, leading up to 14 November.

I look like a panda with really big and dark shadows under my eyes, and I'm a little giddy this morning. The lack of sleep is taking a toll on me. The emotional and mental stresses of the last 3 weeks has finally gotten to ET and he is out sick today.

It's midweek and I'm so glad it's a short week. Friday is a holiday for everyone, and we are considering a very short family trip (with Lucas). Maybe we'll spend the day at Sentosa. I've got to return to the hospital for my review on Saturday morning. It feels like the upcoming events are all leading to a sense of finality/closure with Faith. The medical review, memorial, vacation.

I'm really extremely exhausted these past couple of weeks. Insomnia, emotional instability and mental tiredness. Ironically, it's even more tiring when I'm with friends and family because I don't want to break down in front of everyone. Their sympathies and "it's alright" doesn't make it any better. I feel more relaxed when I'm out alone, where people don't know me.

I usually try to catch forty winks in the day, but it doesn't help. I just can't sleep. I'm really really tired, but my eyes just stay open.

Hopefully after the events leading to a closing of this chapter, I will finally be able to sleep.


xoxo