The day I truly felt fear

I'm so tired. Mentally, emotionally. Thank God my spirit is not broken (yet). Exactly 2 weeks (and 1 day) after Faith grew her angel wings, Lucas ran a fever. Really high fever.

He woke up in the morning with a slight temperature (about 37 deg C) and I gave him some infant paracetamol in the afternoon to bring down the temperature when it hit about 38deg. He looked really drowsy from the medication and took his nap. When he woke up, his temperature had gone down to 37 again and he was back to his usual self - playing and screaming.

About 4.45 in the afternoon, he looked really really drowsy. He was lying on the mattress and looking at me and "talking" to me, all the while he was dozing off. Probably it was a maternal instinct in me that kicked in, and I took his temperature again. It had shot up to 39.3deg. I rushed him to the hospital.

On the way there (he was sitting in my lap), he was quiet and drowsy. I supposed it was from the fever that made him so quiet. Then I noticed he suddenly took an interest in the view behind and above me, and he stared at it. Then I noticed he was not staring at things like he usually did. He didn't move his head, but his eyes were rolled to the top. That was when I knew things had gone wrong and that was the instant I truly felt frightened. His limbs were not kicking, but his arms and legs were straightened out (probably because of the way I was holding him). He was clenching his teeth and at the back of his throat it sounded like he was going to vomit. His eyes kept rolling back. I called to him, and kept asking him to look at me. He finally did. He had gone into febrile fits for less than a minute, and yet it seemed to me like it was forever.

In the space of that minute, I truly learnt fear. In the space of that one minute, my hands trembled so badly. My mind was flying all over the place and I was crying inwardly to God not to take him as well.

We rushed him to the nearest hospital but was told they didn't have the facilities to treat paediatric fits and directed us to a bigger hospital nearby. We went and we were kept there for almost 6 hours.

Thank God he was given the all clear. He's at home resting now. Please continue to keep us in prayers.