A new week; The end of a month; The beginning of another

Monday. The first day of the week, and ironically the last day of the month. Tomorrow marks the beginning of December, the month of Christmas.

I'm sitting on my bed watching Lucas sleep, and taking his temperature every 30 minutes. It seems so crucial that I do this, so I can catch his fever bouts before they even begin. My heart is feeling really really heavy and my emotions are again raw.

The sight of my baby boy going into fits, was an eye-opener, and yet at the same time it was really frightening. As I watch him sleep, images from last night's rush to the emergency department keep running through my mind. The way he looked just before he went into fits, and the way he looked while he was having fits. I was so afraid to lose him, I didn't realise I was shouting. I trembled so badly, my mind was a total mess and my heart - my heart just kept begging the lord not to take another one away.

The other reason for my emotions being raw. I started lactating today. As if the confinement without a newborn wasn't bad enough. Now, lactating without a baby to feed, feels worse. But I need to stay strong for my son. He needs me the most now that he's ill.

His temperature's gone up again. I'll have to give him his meds.


Thanks for checking in.