It's night again

It's night once more, and the insomnia monster has creeped up again. I'm allowing Lucas to sleep on my bed for as long as he wants, or until I feel the need to sleep. His presence next to me is very comforting. Right now, he's softly snoring and has one leg draped over mine.

I'm so proud of my little guy. He's learnt to point out his nose, mouth, head, hands and legs. Today as I watch him at play, I see Faith's face on him. Did I ever mention Faith looks a lot like him? I think I did. I think it's what makes me so upset and angry today - that I was so drugged out after my delivery that I declined to hold her or see her. I didn't realise it earlier today, but now seated by my bed, watching Lucas sleep, I think I know now why I was such a grouch today.

ET's out sick today, so he's at our own home resting tonight. I miss him a lot, even if it's just for a night. I managed to fall asleep around midnight last night, because I was so comforted by him just sitting next to me watching me sleep. But the minute he went to sleep, I was awake again.

I've been asking around to see if there are good spots around Singapore where I can scream out in frustration to absolutely nothing (maybe the sea - we've got no mountains here). Every single corner of the country is so entirely packed with people that I can't even bat an eye without someone noticing. A close friend offered his apartment for my screaming purposes. I had to decline. I think his neighbors would be calling the cops on me if I did.

I used to have the perfect place to go to when I was frustrated or troubled. It was an old waving gallery next to the berths. They locked the doors to the gallery a couple of years ago for safety reasons.

My back's aching from the angle I'm sitting. I'm going to read my books now. Hope I can catch some sleep tonight.

xoxo