Remained awake all night

I couldn't sleep much last night. Went to bed early around 11 plus PM, but woke again around 3AM...as in REALLY AWAKE. There were no dreams or anything that woke me, I just woke.

Went to ET and cried in his arms for a few minutes. Yesterday was the first time I had broke down since Faith left. In the hospital I was really upbeat and cheerful. In the afternoon when we were back home, I looked at ET and broke down, admitting I missed her so much. It was the same this early morning at 3AM when i woke up.

I think I managed to fall asleep again around 4 plus AM, and I think I started dreaming. Can't recall what I dreamt about, but the most vivid memory was of a child calling out for her 'kor-kor'. I woke up again and couldn't get to sleep until almost 6AM. The dream was probably an after-effect from my son's comment.

Before we found out about Faith being anencephalic, we did tell my son about his sibling, although we didn't know it would be a girl then. He would then point to my belly and call it 'Baby'. After we found out about Faith and her anencephaly, we changed 'Baby' to 'Mei-mei'. My son never took to the changes, and at that time we felt he was probably was too young to understand.

On Saturday evening when my parents brought my son to the hosp to see me, he came to me and hugged me, placed his head on my belly and asked for 'Baby'. He did this twice. My mum said he probably understood something in what we told him.

Last night, when I was tucking him in bed, he was about to fall asleep when he suddenly opened his eyes and pointed to the bed. He asked, "Mei-mei, bed bed?" For a minute, ET and I didn't know how to respond to him. It was the first time he had mentioned her in a sentence. I told him his sister didn't need a bed here, and he closed his eyes and went to sleep. I guess as time goes by, I'll tell him a little more about his sister, and as he gets older, he'll understand.

Thanks for checking in with us.