I'm going crazy

I'm going crazy. Yes, it's true. We seem to be in a never-ending cycle of debt. There have been employment offers offering twice the sum I earn now, but yet I am hesitating to move because I want passion for my work, and not to be enslaved by the money I earn. But to choose passion over income, some say is a silly thing in this very practical world. I agree, but it keeps my sanity while I'm at work.

With bills surmounting everything else at home, I'm left spent, wasted and mentally exhausted wondering what's next. And I thought I'd hit the lowest point in my life already with Faith.

ET keeps reminding me to trust in the Lord. I am, but it's honestly a big pain waiting on His time. And while I'm waiting, there's reminders of the bills we have everywhere I turn. My phone rings incessantly with reminders that I'm in debt. How did I ever get to this place? 7 years of work and I've not cleared much. What happened?

I love my family, and it pains/depresses me that I'm not able to contribute to their financial growth. How long more do I have to wait to see a breakthrough? I'm cutting down my expenses by at least 40% every month. I break away from temptations to spend rashly, allowing myself the occasional luxury (like once or twice a month, not spending more than $100 a month). I've stopped shopping and unnecessary buying. I'm investing my money into things that could possibly gain me supplementary income in the near future. But yet, I'm not reaping any rewards. You can say "maybe not yet" but this "not yet" has become a chore in waiting, a thorn in my side all the time. My salary seems never enough. By the first week of the month, it's almost exhausted paying off bills & loans. I'm paying for my financial foolishness of my youth. Credit is a devil, and I fell for his trap. How dumb of me.

Indeed, it is my financial foolishness that has finally caught up with me. Save up for a rainy day? How do I do that when I hardly have enough to pay our monthly bills? Is it the both of us? Or is it just me?

My son is 2, and yet he has more money in his savings account than I do. I'm proud of this one fact that I've resisted the constant temptation to touch his money.

This month seems to be spiraling downwards, or maybe its just all adding up. My only question is "how long more?"