Moving Forward

Moving forward into 2010, a lot of things are on my mind. Trying for another child is far back in my mind...and I mean really far. I don't know if I'll be emotionally ready. We'll only know when the time comes.

My new job's doing ok, co-workers are all the Gen Y type, so should be easy to get along with. At home, Lucas is really growing and learning faster and faster everyday. Just last night I taught him the actions to 'row your boat' and this morning he got it all on his own. And just this afternoon I heard him sing a song on his own (although he doesn't know the words, but he got the tune right!) He's a wonder.

ET's doing good in his job this year. Finally, things are starting to look up for us ( i hope!)

The emotional struggle I have about Faith still lingers somewhere in the back of my mind. The date 24 March still hangs from a rope in my heart. I'm not able to get rid of that date. When that day comes, I still have to live my life as though it were any normal day. And then the usual, when I see women with their babies, and a toddler in tow, I naturally feel jealous. I never wanted my kids spaced too far apart. Now, I have no choice.

But going back to work does take my mind off a lot of emotional stuff, and I'm glad. Idling at home, every iota of emotion weighs down on me like a  ton of bricks. (my keyboard's a little faulty...some keys are not as sensitive...) But don't get me wrong, I've not forgotten my little girl. I've not placed her memories in a box - never to be opened again. She's always somewhere in my heart and in my mind. She's always there, and I look forward to the day I get to hold her in my arms and tell her to her face that I love her and I missed her so much every single day that she is gone.