A new start

I've got a job! It's a really new start for me this year, going back to work. So many things will change once again. On top of that, I'll be looking around for a playschool for Lucas. He'll most probably be attending just the half day school. The initial plan last year was for him to attend full day playschool so that his grandmother could take care of the baby, but.....I need not say more.

In terms of family finances, I'm glad things are going to be a little easier from now. Although it's not a lot, but it's definitely going to be better. ET could be less stressed out with the both of us earning.

My life is finally regaining some normalcy this year. Parties and clubbing and work. Emotionally the scars are more or less healing, although its just close to 2 months. I still do miss Faith and every single day I think about her. I try to imagine her a lot - most of the time she appears in my mind as a healthy and perfect little girl, running and laughing and screaming with joy. And I'm standing at the sidelines watching her play. She turns, she smiles, she waves and blows a kiss. My sweetheart, my baby.

If time could be turned back, I wouldn't change a thing that I did, even the heartbreaking decision that we had to make. She would have been better off. The only thing that I would change, would be to ask the nurses to let me see her, let me hold her, so that I could see her beauty for myself. Instead of hearing it from others. I would have asked to spend some time with her body together with ET. I would have....