Lucas is ill!

Amidst the hustle and the bustle of the busy/hectic lunar new year, Lucas fell ill. And yes, you guessed it, too much junk food and fizzy drinks. There is just this tendency for people to feed a child. I think I did that too, before I had my own kids.

I'm supposed to be back at work, but instead I've taken leave to care for Lucas. Brought him to the paed this morning (I wasn't surprised to see a long queue), and he was given a 3-in-1 medication (thank god!). Lucas never does well with oral meds, be it syringed in or hidden in his food. We hid his antibiotics in his milk once not so long ago, and he swore off milk (not verbally for obvious reasons) for a week, and a month after that, he watched us make his milk. He WATCHED, to make sure we didn't add anything else other than formula. Then we tried hiding it in the ice-cream, and he ate it only once, and also refused anymore of it. Can you imagine?! Ice-cream!! (Sigh!) So, we had to force feed him (because it was taking too long to take 1 dose and he had 3 different types of medi to take the last round). ET had to hold him down, force his mouth open, while I syringed it down his throat (of course I'm aware of the choking hazards!) bit by bit. He screamed and struggled, and was usually all spent after we were done. It was heart-breaking.

This morning I told the paed that we had this problem, and she suggested the 3-in-1, which would take a lot lesser energy and time if we had to syringe it down his throat. We decided to buy his favorite juices and yoghurt drinks. So today he's already taken 2 doses of medication with grape flavored yoghurt drinks, successfully. Well, almost...he spilled a few drops here and there. He's asleep now, and we keep the fan on to ventilate the room.

I'm hoping he does get better so I can return to work. Although the week is almost over, there is still a lot waiting in the office.

On a different note, this lunar new year, I've been thinking about her, and how different my new year would be if she were around. As 24 March draws nearer (about another 1 month now), I have absolutely no idea how I would feel on that day. I have a lot going on to keep me occupied now, but memories of her still linger in the back of my mind. Her name pops up 24/7. The tears do not come anymore (so far!). I'm glad she is where she is. My heart aches lesser, my thoughts of her are happier. Memories of my weekend in the hospital never fade away, the memory of the pain never fades either. Sometimes I swear I still feel movement (for smart-mouths, no it isn't an upset tummy sensation, it's very real). Patting Lucas to sleep the previous night, my ears pick up that particular lullaby that I sang for her (i've not really paid attention to his lullabies since she left, just that particular night). It's three months now. Talking about her has become like a second-nature to me; it doesn't hurt any more, at the same time it doesn't hurt any less. Confusing isn't it? You'd have to be me to know how I feel although I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

ET still blames himself sometimes. I still blame myself sometimes. We both feel we each had something to do with it. For me, I think it was my one-night of vicious drinking without realising she was there. She serves as a memory for me not to over-drink anymore. I don't swear off the liquor, but I drink light and count the glasses as I go along. It's a lesson to be learnt.

(p/s: about Lucas & his meds, if you were wondering, yes, I do taste his meds before I feed it to him for the first time).